Week 11: Looking Back & Looking Forward

11 weeks at Circomedia have come to an end. I can't believe just how fast it went. I can't believe I won't be going in on Monday 6^th January, and catching up with everyone before cracking on with another term's hard work. Turns out three months just wasn't enough to achieve everything I wanted to achieve. I certainly do feel stronger and fitter, and my trapeze technique has definitely improved, but I don't have a portfolio of perfectly polished acts across the disciplines that I thought I would come out with! But I'm not complaining because these three months have given me more than I ever conceived of. I didn't really know what to expect from circus school - and every minute of it has been a joy. Every day provided new surprises and moments I'll never forget, and I've absorbed and gained so much else aside from pure technique and strength training – in movement, theatre, performance, creativity and friendships that will last a lifetime. Which is the Circomedia experience, its forte. A BIG thank you to all of you, my teachers and friends who made it so special.

I do also wonder to what extent the part of me that wants to stay at school simply wants to continue deferring the real decisions: the hard work and potential disappointments involved in trying to find work in the circus world; of potentially compromising my ideals in the need to earn money. But at the same time I am excited to be moving on. I certainly couldn't at this stage go back to my 'old' life, where I fear my new experiences and plans could be drowned by all the hustle and bustle and pressures of London living. Yet whilst it seems so natural to me now, that of course I want to stay in the circus world, when I think back to my trepidation and doubts before coming to Circomedia, I realise just how much I have achieved. And I feel proud of myself. I have not simply 'survived' physically (which was a worry!) - I have flourished and want more.

So...next stop Australia - in under two weeks! My ticket is one way (it made economical sense, but felt quite different pyschologically to buying a return!) and takes me to Sydney. I've sent a few probing messages and emails to friends of friends out there working in circus, but I think it will be a lot easier to network and get to know the scene once I've arrived. I'd love to find work performing, but if I can't do that, or if it's only sporadic (at festivals, parties etc.), then I'd at least like to keep up my training - ideally by taking on some teaching work, which would give me access to a training space. But if it takes me some time to find my feet, who cares? Because it's hot and sunny :) and there's a whole country out there to explore, with many great experiences along the way!

Static Trapeze Performance at Picton Street Xmas Fayre

Trendy Picton Street in Bristol hosts a Christmas Fayre each year with craft stalls, food, drink and performances from musicians, dancers and circus artists. A couple of us from Circomedia decided to sign up for the experience, and despite only having a couple of days following our own Christmas show last week to come up with material, everyone created some beautiful pieces: Holly and Micci with fire, Rach on aerial hoop and fire-hoop, Sudhira on rope and myself on trapeze. The crowds were great and the weather held out until two minutes after we finished!

Doubles Trapeze Act for Circomedia 1st yr Christmas Show

This is a video of my Doubles Trapeze Act with Milena - filmed in the Kingswood South Wing studio

Week 10: The Christmas Show

Last night was the Christmas Show and I am SO happy to have been a part of it, alongside all my lovely, beautiful and talented new Circomedia friends :)

It was so much fun and so great to have the chance to show off all our hard work to friends and family. In the show were pieces that have been devised over the past few weeks: aerial, physical theatre, E&M, acro and movement.

The aerial pieces were devised using The Elements as a theme. About two weeks ago Milena and I discovered how much fun doubles trapeze is so we decided to create something together. Our element was air, and we tried to capture this in our movement and transitions as well as tricks. The Circomedia Church was a perfect venue to perform our dreamlike sequence.

I was also in a group piece for E&M....there were a couple of drops but we like to think we styled them out!

It's impossible to describe in words just how fabulous the show was, how proud I am of everyone - and of myself :) Thank you so much to friends and family who were able to come and support. It was so great to know you were there in the audience - and to finally have the opportunity to show you why on earth I 'gave it all up' and moved to Bristol! I hope the passion and joy I have for circus came through in my performance, and you could see how alive I felt, how much I love it, and how happy it makes me to do it.

Here are a few more pics to give you a taster of the rest of the show...

Week 8: A Room Full of Candles

Just a word about our Physical Theatre classes. A topic I think I've neglected a little because it's not my passion and I didn't choose to specialise in it. Nevertheless we still have a couple of classes in it per week (whether you've chosen it or not). Which I'm grateful for, because in the last couple of weeks we have been having a whale of a time. We have been portraying the Elements. Yes that's right, walking around the room like Earth, Air, Water or Fire. Capturing a way of moving that reflects each of these, for example: earth as solid, air as floaty, water as flowing and fire as crackling and bursting. My favourite moment was when we all stood together and were 'candles'. Open, shining faces, slightly bobbing to and fro atop our grounded bodies. It was so cute! (Doing fireworks was also fun, but rather more mental!)

And it's really interesting to see how simple things like this can translate in to theatre and character. For example: using earthy qualities to portray authoritative characters like bouncers or policemen; airy qualities to portray dreamers, open or spiritual characters. A few people have asked what Physical Theatre is, compared to just 'Theatre'. Physical Theatre aims to portray its meaning (a story, a moral, anything) primarily through movement of the body instead of dialogue. So you have to be very physically aware of yourself, your posture, every little movement and what they imply to the audience: what you can make them imply.

We have also looked at Masks. And had the privilege of seeing our director bring in and work with a number of masks he has made over the years. It was great to see him in his element.

 
It's fascinating to see a group of people you know all wearing Neutral Masks and yet somehow still portraying different characteristics. Learning to be neutral before overlaying the intended detail is a definite skill.

Despite not taking Physical Theatre as a specialisation, I am really enjoying the process of learning to appreciate more the value and impact of physicality and precision of movement in performance – and hope to translate that in to my own pieces. Our Christmas show will be themed around the Elements...so you'll be hearing more of this!

Week 7: Fresh-faced again

We're just coming back from a week's break at circus school. (The joys of having a half term! Seriously, they should be introduced in to adult life, not just at school: I can't remember the last time I was obliged to rest! Amazing.)

And we were seriously in need of it. If you could have seen us all in week 6 - classes regularly included 'cripples corner', where a bunch of three, four or even five sick or injured sad circus students would sit out the class and enviously watch their full-health classmates continuing to play. Myself included - straining a muscle at the beginning of the week. Lesson learned: don't try a particularly strenuous move at the end of the day when you're exhausted, and don't assume it'll be ok to train on again after just one night's rest. So I ended up missing three days, including my Friday afternoon trapeze presentation. I'd been looking forward to this particular week and presentation all half term, but then when I got there, it became the most difficult and daunting. Probably because it's the discipline I care about most. That I most wanted to do well in. So I worried too much, compared myself to everyone else, and overtrained, taking myself out of the picture entirely!

But watching everyone else was a real treat. I was so impressed by the amount of variety, creativity and everyone's strength - especially those who had never done aerial before. And whilst it is daunting to think of the number of aerialists out there competing for jobs, especially those with dance and performance backgrounds (they are annoyingly graceful up in the air!), it's great to be making the most of these three months, and being in a collaborative environment where I can steal...err, I mean learn...moves from everyone around me ;-). But also find my own style too, what's unique about my own performance.

The other funny thing about half term was being 'normal' again. It was really weird. It decidedly did not feel normal at all. I took a brief trip back to London and it felt very strange to be there. I got caught in rush hour at Canary Wharf; I popped back in to my old office to say 'hi' and shuddered at the rows and rows of desks. (I was also made to juggle fruit as proof of my initiation in to the circus world ;-) ). It was clear to me and everyone I met that I am absolutely doing what I am meant to be doing right now. Bring on the next five weeks!

Week 5: Turns out I love Juggling!

 I wish I could explain in words just how insane, magical and bizarre my Friday afternoon was. (Friday is always presentation day, with each of the disciplines taking their turn: last week was Acro; this week was Equilibristics & Manipulation – that's juggling to the un-initiated!) I sat in the gym and listened to a three minute excerpt of Rossini's La Gazza Ladra (Thieving Magpie) thirty-four times. In a row. Whilst watching each one of my fellow classmates in turn prance about with a random object of their choice. And prancing we were. How I would have loved to see the look on my old manager's face. In fact, any of your faces who weren't there. Words really can't describe how glorious and insane and liberating it has been to stand back in class this week, glance about the room and see the studious look on everyone's faces as they throw, catch, slide, and manipulate a basket, a hat, a scarf, a bucket, a shoe or a wheel (or my own choice – a hot water bottle – and no, the video will not be posted!) around the room and their body. Yes, that's really what we did this week. Bonkers, but fantastic. Did anyone make any high art? I don't think so. But that's not the point. It was just an exploration. Of objects and what they and you can do.

And earlier in the week, during Performance classes playing Blood Potato, Cat and Mouse, stepping on each other's toes, or 'keepy-uppy' with a volleyball, and a whole host of other completely inexplicable games to anyone who wasn't in the room at the time ('Do the Opposite!'). It is so refreshing and feels like I'm back at playtime. There are 'serious' reasons behind all of these exercises of course – like making you less inhibited, or notice the 'honest' moments in performance. But mainly it's just fun. I've never smiled and laughed as much as I have here.

And I've discovered that I really like juggling! Who knew just how addictive it is? (Well, ok, my juggler classmate did warn me). And now I have a shiny new set of red, white and blue juggling balls that I can't put down. This week was also decision time for our two specialisations - and alongside Aerial I've put down E&M :) .

It was a bit of a surprise to find myself rather fearful of Acro, which I assumed would be a close contender for my second specialisation. It's also been amusing to hear our teachers thoroughly slate each other's disciplines this week: our Physical Theatre teacher told us if we pick both Acro & Aerial we can expect to get sick and injured a lot! And perhaps he is right. I feel I have chosen wisely, especially given my short time here, and that my choices will give me more strength and energy for the skills I'm really passionate about. Once we specialise we get a lot more of our own time – so I can also get back on the Chinese Pole, which I've hardly touched! (Apart from to see how I'm doing with Flag...) But I do love that we started by doing everything there is to offer at the school: it's passed too quickly already and I will definitely miss the disciplines I'm not taking.

Week 3: Happily Exhausted

 It's proving quite difficult to listen to my body. On Monday I was exhausted after a totally restful Sunday; on Tuesday I was bouncing and decided to stay late, which then hit me on Thursday. It's really difficult to know how to time rests vs extra training and there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to my current energy swings. It's probably because my body is still screaming 'What are you DOING?!' and 'You're doing it some MORE. Really?' at me. I've heard week three is the hardest. And I'm hoping it's the hump we need to get over before settling in to better communication with our bodies.

As it was also my 30^th this week (best birthday ever! thanks for all the messages and love :) ) I'm even more aware I need to respect what it's telling me. But I'm so happy to be using it so fully, and I *think* if I wasn't so tired I'd definitely be noticing a difference (and I mean apart from the bruises!) It's incredible to contemplate what the body can actually put up with, go through, and keep going through. Clearly the course is not designed to break us, but to push us to our limits and make us as strong as possible. As long as our muscles have just enough time to recover - not fully, but enough - before we push them again, then we'll keep on an upward trajectory. But if not, we'll crash down. (Early nights and protein shakes are totally keeping me together!)

Yet this tiredness doesn't seem to matter, because it's part and parcel of our passion. It's not the tiredness you get from a day's commuting across London, that you resent: it's a satisfying, deep tiredness that makes you smile because of where it came from.

I've been impressed (and sometimes daunted) by the pace of the syllabus. We're quickly reaching the limits of (what I thought!) was my reasonable trapeze knowledge (and in Acro we're already standing on each other's shoulders - terrifying!). In three weeks. Just think how much there would be to learn in a year, or two. How much work needs to be put in to really cut it in the performance world. As our director has said, as circus becomes more 'known' and part of everyday culture (think about No Fit State, Psy, Occam's Razor, Circus Oz), it gets harder and harder to impress. Performers need to be ever more daring and impressive. Slightly daunting and I'm already sad I'm only on the three month course but intend to soak up everything I can!

Week 1: Professionalism not Escapism

  

As I glanced up at the clock from a press-up position at 8.52 on Tuesday morning it really came home to me what the school director had said to all of us at the induction: he doesn't like the phrase 'running away to join the circus' (oops!) because it evokes a sense of haphazardness, and a lack of discipline – which are entirely contrary to the ethos of the both the school and the profession. He told us this would be the hardest, most committed thing we would ever do. And realising as I did on Tuesday morning that I had already done more exercise on Monday than I usually do in a whole week, had more training time on one day than I ever had face-time with tutors in a week at University, and spent more hours in the day there than I ever usually would in my old job at work – I saw that he was definitely right.

Week 1 has been tough. Incredibly demanding on the body: a serious mid-week slump on Wednesday that I somehow got over; muscles aching that I wasn't expecting to; the resurgence of old injuries and serious tiredness – no more deciding I can get away with a small lie-in! - if we are more than 3 minutes late we are excluded from class.

But at the same time it has been and is completely liberating. I feel fantastic. It feels more than ever like the right decision – and a decision that really came from me and belongs to me. Every now and again I step back and can't believe that I'm really here. That I am supposed to be hanging upside down at midday on a Wednesday. That that is what I do now. The luxury of it. The week has introduced us (a wonderful motley crew of jugglers, dancers, actors, acrobats and aerialists) to Aerial (Trapeze), Juggling, Performance, Acrobatics, Tumbling, Conditioning and Movement. In 6 weeks we choose two to specialise in...I won't commit myself now to saying what my second choice might be (Aerial, of course, being my first), as I know there will be plenty of time to fall in and out of love with the disciplines, and may have to let my body decide what it can cope with! For now, on with Week 2....

Running Away to Join the Circus: Getting Started

'Right. Here's the trapeze bar. Do as many pull-ups as you can. Go'.

After that, as many leg raises, as many sit-ups, as many press-ups and squats as I could. And after that, a taster in juggling, acrobalance and trapeze. That was my audition for circus school.

I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I knew I couldn't just stay in my desk job forever but I've known for some time that I wanted something different, something that suited me more and made me feel more alive. But it's been creeping up on me so steadily that despite the fact that at 29, with a secure job in the civil service, a flat, a mortgage and a life in London – I still want to give it all up and forge a very different path. In the circus. And in the sunshine.

I've got through the first hurdles: the application form, the audition, resigned from my job, become a landlord, packed my bags and arrived in Bristol ready to start at Circomedia on the 25th. I can expect to be in class everyday from 08.30-17.30, with additional evening and weekend training. After three months, I shall be released to dazzle the world with my new found performance skills. After that, Australia. The sunshine, outdoors lifestyle and relaxed mentality that tells you yes, you can do what it is that you want to do. (Or at least you can for as long as the visa lasts).

I should start at a slight advantage – having done aerial adult classes over the last three years – and hope that full-time training will give me the edge I need to compete with the professionals (apart from the kids that have trained since age 4 and end up in Cirque du Soleil!). My disadvantage is my age and my aspirations have to be more modest! But put simply, escaping the system. Seeing if I can do it - performing and working for myself. Prioritising self-sufficiency and lifestyle.

Of course there are going to be hurdles. Practical things like whether or not I'm going to be able to afford not having 'steady' work (will I panic the first month I don't see a salary drop magically in to my bank account?) - and more intangible, yet vital things like maintaining self-belief, and ignoring the whole realm of subliminal and not so subliminal messaging that tells me to stop messing around and think of my pension.

But for the time being it's time to spruce up my gym kit and get started!

Olympic Cultural Festivities Performance 2012 (Static Trapeze)

International Youth Arts Festival 2012 (Static Trapeze)