Week 3: Happily Exhausted

 It's proving quite difficult to listen to my body. On Monday I was exhausted after a totally restful Sunday; on Tuesday I was bouncing and decided to stay late, which then hit me on Thursday. It's really difficult to know how to time rests vs extra training and there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to my current energy swings. It's probably because my body is still screaming 'What are you DOING?!' and 'You're doing it some MORE. Really?' at me. I've heard week three is the hardest. And I'm hoping it's the hump we need to get over before settling in to better communication with our bodies.

As it was also my 30^th this week (best birthday ever! thanks for all the messages and love :) ) I'm even more aware I need to respect what it's telling me. But I'm so happy to be using it so fully, and I *think* if I wasn't so tired I'd definitely be noticing a difference (and I mean apart from the bruises!) It's incredible to contemplate what the body can actually put up with, go through, and keep going through. Clearly the course is not designed to break us, but to push us to our limits and make us as strong as possible. As long as our muscles have just enough time to recover - not fully, but enough - before we push them again, then we'll keep on an upward trajectory. But if not, we'll crash down. (Early nights and protein shakes are totally keeping me together!)

Yet this tiredness doesn't seem to matter, because it's part and parcel of our passion. It's not the tiredness you get from a day's commuting across London, that you resent: it's a satisfying, deep tiredness that makes you smile because of where it came from.

I've been impressed (and sometimes daunted) by the pace of the syllabus. We're quickly reaching the limits of (what I thought!) was my reasonable trapeze knowledge (and in Acro we're already standing on each other's shoulders - terrifying!). In three weeks. Just think how much there would be to learn in a year, or two. How much work needs to be put in to really cut it in the performance world. As our director has said, as circus becomes more 'known' and part of everyday culture (think about No Fit State, Psy, Occam's Razor, Circus Oz), it gets harder and harder to impress. Performers need to be ever more daring and impressive. Slightly daunting and I'm already sad I'm only on the three month course but intend to soak up everything I can!